12.11.10

Lying fallow




It's been nearly five weeks since I duffed my arm up - I wish I could say that I've had a nice time of it and indulged in some serious relaxing, but until recently my days have been dull and pain filled - I don't mind admitting that I've had some pretty bleak moments. I had three cracks in my upper arm/shoulder joint and it was never going to be an instant heal; using it for anything has ranged from difficult to downright impossible.


From an early age I decided to dedicate myself to a creative life - there has been no room in my life for a 'proper job' which might have made things financially easier, nor for children who demand so much care and attention. All I ever wanted was what I had until recently, even during the many years when I barely earned a bean from it. Literally everything I do revolves around a rich, image filled inner world which soaks up inspiration from the outer world. Losing the physical ability to draw even a rough scribble has been a very hard lesson in learning to appreciate what I used to take for granted; my creative mind went dead for a while, which was almost worse than the constant pain.



So far, so self pitying. I also realise that it was my own silly fault for falling off a stile in the first place and that far worse things are happening in the world. It's not terminal and I am finally getting better. More to the point, I have really appreciated everyone's kind comments and private messages - thank you so much - if they were magic medicine I'd be turning cartwheels. I have also been the lucky recipient of this gorgeous stained glass fragment with engraved hare, from the hands of LiZZie - I have long admired her work, though our plastic window panes do not do this beauty justice. She sells similar items in her Etsy shop, and they are ideal Christmas presents, so warm and glowing.


Also, huge thanks to the kind friends who took the trouble to send me cards and little gifts, all of which brought bright points to my days. What is that horrid brown lump in front of them? Why, it's my voodoo quince of course.


While we were in Herefordshire, Andy went off exploring and returned with a quince. It was a golden, bumpy-lumpy hard fruit - inedible, but beautiful to look at. My arm was colourfully swathed at the time with wrap-around bruising which has only just faded, and I pretended that the quince was soaking the bad stuff up as I recovered. It will be at least a week before I have something approaching normal mobility, by which time my voodoo quince will be ready for a ceremonial dumping in the compost heap.


Next week I have a check-up x-ray to make sure everything in my silly arm is behaving. I can't feel anything crunching around inside anymore and I can put a little weight on it. I can chop vegetables again, spread butter on toast, do my trousers up and almost clean my teeth right handed again. When I can sleep in our bed again, not the saggy sofa, when I can haul myself out of the bath on my own (thank you Andy!) and needle felt for more than ten minutes without cramping up, I will be properly well again and be a little less boring.



34 comments:

elizabethm said...

Glad to hear you are getting better. I love the idea of the voodoo quince - inspired and clearly another form of being creative!

Sweet Birdy Love said...

Hey Gretel, wonderful to see a post and get an update on how you are.
It's been a tough road and no doubt lots of things learnt along the way, so good to have Andy there to help you.
So glad to hear that you are getting better and able to do a bit more.
All the best for the check up and hope you are able to get back into your creative groove soon.

Claire X

Bee said...

I'm sorry you've had such a bad time. Truly, the only silver lining to these things is that they make one feel renewed awareness and gratitude for that gift above all others: a healthy body.

Kitty said...

I enjoyed all the pictures, especially that last! Keep on the mend :)
xx

Feltmaker said...

Keep going girl - from one narked shoulder person to another x

mountainear said...

Ooo, poor you - much, much sympathy. At about the same time as you were falling from the stile my husband was (accidently) chopping a finger off and is now at the nearly-but-not-quite stage of recovery and is deeply, deeply bored/frustrated. Like you he has spent his whole life drawing and painting, latterly using his hands to carve and make wooden objects. A frightening thing to face losing that part of oneself which is a tool that cannot be bought - the tool that carries the messages from head to paper. For me it is like living with a caged tiger.

Hope you make a speedy recovery.

Best wishes.

tut-tut said...

I'm glad you are mending! consider it a bit of cocooning

Wanda..... said...

The last photo is very nice! I'm also an admirer of LiZZie's and I have one of her lovely light catchers.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

So, So, So Sorry you've been poorly. It must have been just dreadful not to be able to do the things you love and need. Rather like when the power goes off and you keep trying to turn on the lights, even though you know it's not going to work. Such second nature things are so difficult to give up, even for a little while. I do hope you are well and truly on the mend. Thinking of you tonight and sending my very best wishes!

Southern Lady said...

So glad that you are starting to feel better. Carla

Trailshome said...

Oh, I'm so happy to see some words from you, even if to say you're not quite back yet. I missed you so much. Thank you for the kind words on our blog too. You've made our day here, since the last post was actually my husband's and the previous one, my usual words. This is an amazing virtual world we share and each morning, when I page through my blogs, I've sent good healing thoughts your way. Aren't we lucky to be able to share thoughts from half a world away, and be so much better off for all the ideas and richness we can share. Heal on, my friend, and I'll bet your creativity will come back stronger than ever for being forestalled for this recovery time.
Greetings from Indiana, USA.

Pearl said...

I so hope you will start feeling some relief with your pain. I know you must be lost without your routine of creativity but remember this is just temporary. You will heal and get back to doing what you love.
Try and take good care of yourself.
Sending you big hugs,

Frances said...

PG, was there some very strange bit in this post in which you connected the word boring to yourself? As they say in Brooklyn, forgeddit about it. You'd never be boring.

Now, what a trial you've been through, and I so hope that all the inner workings of your magnificent imagination will have been feeding well all throughout your slow healing time.

Hoping that you've been able to be outdoors to see the season change.

Please do pass on to Andy, best wishes to him, both for himself and also for the part of himself that has cared so well for yourself. If you get my meaning.

I'd write much more now, but fear that I might be on the outskirts of boring. xo

Tonia said...

Glad to hear you're on the mend, however slowly. It is scary to lose the ability to do something you've always relied upon: the axis of the world seems to tilt slightly. And you've probably driven yourself crazy with frustration!
Hope the voodoo quince keeps sucking up the bad stuff for you!

knutty knitter said...

Nice to have you back. Along with the nice photos :) These things can't be rushed though or the result can be an even longer rehab!

Good luck.

viv in nz

janet said...

Hello Gretel!
So glad to hear that you're arm is on the mend. Isn't it lovely to know that out in this big world are people who worry about you? Love the stained glass beauty. Before you know it, you will poking wool harder than ever and most likely grateful for each poke. We all love you Gretel...big hugs to Andy and be well!

Janet xox

jfidz said...

Glad you're on the mend. Maybe it was all some sort of spooky, natural conspiracy to get you to slow down for a while!

d. moll, l.ac. said...

The power of the Quince, well done.Though like the Quince your healing time has not been very tasty. Referring, of course, to raw quinces. Hope you find your bones are healed. I must say your dedication to creativity and art is quite inspirational !!

Jane said...

So to glad to hear your arm is beginning to get right again. Being unable to use one's drawing, crafting hand is so frustrating, I know. Hope the quince is doing its job!

Twiglet said...

So glad you are "mending" well. Hope you will soon be back to normal. It certainly makes us realise the value of a fit and healthy body above everything else.

BumbleVee said...

I'm hoping for the best possible news when you have the check up on your arm.

I seem to have gotten really lazy waiting for mine to heal....I have absolutely no motivation to do or make anything still .... oh, well.... maybe a longer rest is not always a bad thing.... I am back to baking and cooking...but, no felting or sewing..or anything crafty....

Menopausal musing said...

Oh Gretel, POOR YOU! I seem to have missed the post re your accident. This must have been such a frustrating time for you. Hope the arm/shoulder lets you get back to normal creativity soon..

Jane said...

I'm so glad you are starting to feel better, and that the arm is on the mend. You have been missed out here in blog land.

Helen said...

Gretel, I'm so glad you're on the mend and mobility is getting a little better. I can only imagined how awful it's been being physically and mentally paralyzed. Hope all goes well with the x-ray!

frayedattheedge said...

Hi Gretel, I'm glad you are recovering. I can understand your frustration - I get quite twitchy if I have a day without sewing or knitting. I hope all goes well with the xray. Love Anne

acornmoon said...

Gretel, I just know that you are going to be ok, don't ask me how, I just feel it in my bones!

My mind has also been contemplating quince, or at least those who dine on quince and plenty of mince, eaten off a runcible spoon if you get my drift.

sending all my love and granny like healing vibes over to you xxx just remembered my granny believed in the healing properties of nipbone, maybe you could try it?

Caroline B said...

So glad the end is in sight & your arm is almost healed. I cannot imagine how awful not having the use of your right hand must have been - it's one of my greatest fears!

veryberryhandmade said...

You've had such a rough time. I am glad to hear that recovery is coming, even if rather slowly.

Puddock said...

Great to hear that you are on the mend. Healing thoughts are floating down to you from the chilly Highlands :)

Puddock said...

Meant to say - I love that piece of stained glass that LiZZie sent you (you do know some wonderful people!) and am heading off to her Etsy shop straight away!

liZZie said...

Hi Gretel. Oooo a voodoo quince! What a remarkably inventive person you are! Thank you for showing and mentioning - generous of you.

Janet said...

Hi Gretel: Thanks for the update on your arm/shoulder. I hope the checkup is positive. So sorry your ability to create has been compromised and you have been in pain - we are all just one moment removed from debilitating accident or illness. So good you have Andy to helop you maintain your dignity.
Looking forward to seeing your creativity unleashed.
Warm hugs.
Janet in cold and drizzlyt Nova Scotia, Canada

Pearl said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a lovely comment about my last post on baby Harper. She is truly an angel.

Hugs,

julie said...

I'm so sorry to read about your arm Gretel - one of those little incidents in life which get you thinking and, as you say, appreciating what you would otherwise take for granted. I hope that when you're arm is fully recovered and you're able to use it creatively again that you find the experience somehow has a silver lining for you. Speedy recovery x